Bi-Polar Faith…

So this morning after taking the kids to school, I did my devotion and laid back down. My plan was to take a nap for a bit and then get up and do my chores. Boy was I wrong! As soon as I closed my eyes panic set in. I remembered the speeding ticket that I still haven’t paid then that started a snowball effect.

Mind you I had just did a devotion about faith and read 2 Chronicles 20:20-30 and Daniel 3:1-30. Now my response to that was “No matter what He’s got me! Jehoshaphat was outnumbered but God went before him, Shadrach, Meshach and Abendego was thrown into the fiery furnace and not touched by the fire because God was with them. So no matter what circumstances I am facing I can be confident that God is with me, He goes before me and never leaves my side”.

Yet not 30 mins later I’m laying in bed having a panic attack and making a list of everything I’m worried about. This list starts out with a speeding ticket and ends with me being a burden on my husband!

Does this happen to anyone else? Am I the only one that suffers from bi-polar faith? Bi-polar by definition is having or relating to two poles or extremities, i.e. me writing and believing that no matter what God has got me to having a panic attack about our finances and convincing myself Steve would be better off without me.

Obviously a nap was off my schedule. So I go make a cup of coffee, wash some dishes and switch the laundry, trying to push all those thoughts of impeding doom out of my head. I am not exaggerating about the impeding doom, my thoughts go from “crap I’ve gotta pay that ticket to I’m gonna end up in jail” in a matter of seconds! And “the kids need soccer equipment turns in to their not gonna be able to play which will cause them to have low self-esteem and lack the confidence they need to be successful which will in turn cause them to hate and blame us”. I could go on and on but hopefully you get my point.

I don’t mind admitting I can be a little ridiculous at times. In fact I think I make mention of that in just about every entry I write.

Housework and busyness is a way I escape my thoughts. Which can be just as unhealthy as the ways of escape I would use in the past. Busyness is one of those things that the world sees as acceptable and can be misunderstood as being successful. But it keeps me from doing what I should be doing and that is Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Wow isn’t that so much easier?!? The Holy Spirit brought that beautiful promise into my mind and calmed my anxious thoughts. Now instead of a list of impeding doom there is a list of all the times God has showed up for me. Again and again He has brought me out of Egypt. So many times I have put myself in that fiery furnace only to come out not even smelling of smoke. The fact that I am alive today, healthy and not in prison is only by His grace.

Rejoice in the Lord always! Again I will say rejoice!

Those are God’s instructions not mine. I believe that is the secret to having joy in life. Life is hard, bills pile up, jobs come and go, sickness is inevitable. But one thing never changes, we have a Heavenly Father that loves us and is working all things for our good! Unfortunately that doesn’t mean it always feels good lol!

I do know when I choose to recall His goodness, faithfulness and promises, the peace that surpasses all understanding follows!

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Published by mirrandajoe

I struggled with drugs since I was 15 years old, I am now a recovering addict that loves Jesus and wants others to experience the freedom that I now have!

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