So this morning Steve called and woke me up. He realized he woke me up and quickly got off the phone lol telling me to just call him back after I had time to wake up. I tried going back to sleep but couldn’t. I made the grave mistake of calling him back before I had my 1st cup of coffee. I am not one that should really ever converse before coffee.
Anyways I call him back and he precedes to tell me that he got a side job to do on Monday, his day off. I immediately get offended of course and automatically take it as he just doesn’t want to spend time with me! (I am so rediculous.) His response to all my foolishness is “I thought you would understand since we need the money.” Well that made me even madder! (Absolutely absurd.) I’m not even sure what I said after that but I do know the conversation was ended with me hanging up in response to my husband’s “I love you”.
In my defense I hadn’t had my coffee and Jesus yet and I’ve already admitted I can be a bit unreasonable at times (most of the time actually).
OK I finally have my coffee, I make the kids breakfast and clean up the kitchen. During all this I have zero remorse about my behavior. To be honest I’m justifying it and telling my self crazy stuff like “he hates being home with us” and “he would rather be at work than here with us”. Again I will admit I am rediculous, now I can see that but at the time I was 100% reasonable lol.
So all morning I have no conviction about how my conversation went with my husband. My husband who is at work on Saturday, my husband who was up at 5am getting ready for work. My husband who gently kissed us goodbye on our foreheads so he didn’t wake us up.
As you may have noticed I’m feeling a little convicted at this point. The sad thing is its not my own heart that convicted me. I opened up my “Jesus Calling” and got slapped in the face by the Holy Spirit. God may be soft and gentle with you, and that is great, but He has to get a little ruff with me at times, I’m stubborn like that!
Back to my devotion. The first sentence in all caps says, “WATCH YOUR WORDS DILIGENTLY.” It goes on to say that our words can either bless or wound and when we use our words carelessly or negatively, we not only hurt others we hurt ourselves.
Boy those words stung! I got a Holy Spirit spanking for sure!
It’s just another reminder that without God and help from the Holy Spirit I am quick to speak, slow to listen and quick to become angry. I am thankful that God cares too much about me to not correct me. Yeah it might sting a little at first and I have the choice to either humble myself and learn the lesson He is teaching me or I can use this to beat up on myself and wallow in that pit of self pity that was once so comfortable to me. But as I am writing this I hear a gentle whisper telling me “therefore there is now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus” not even self condemnation! So I choose to thank God and humble myself.
I choose to ask my husband to forgive his rediculous wife and thank him for working so hard for his family! I love you Stephen Jenkins and I am sorry for being so unreasonable. I appreciate how hard you work for us and all you sacrifice for us!